Report Card Philosopher Gifts

"I can't believe it...a 'B' average on my report card? I'm not that smart! The theories of probability predict it's likely that the school's data system somehow encountered a catastrophic breakdown."

"Only a B in Parenting Skills. You need to pull your socks up."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

'Mistakes were made...'

"Sure you can see my report card but I'll have to charge you for shipping and handling."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

At the Penguin fishing school: 'Gunvald has set the bar kind of high, gang!'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"All As? Are you hacking into the school's records again?"

'Straight A's. That means good.'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

"Your school report is brilliant! It's going straight into the fireproof box for safe keeping..."

'So what is the consulting that you got an 'A' for?'

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

"It may not be a good report card but I'm working with the genes you dealt me."

'I'm the smartest one in the bottom group.'

Do I get extra credit for neatness?