Report Card Gifts

"Dad, you can't blame me! It's hard to live by the rules! I never could...and still never do!"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

'Mistakes were made...'

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'