First Report Card Gifts

"Yes it's a great report card, all A's and B's... But I wonder how your teacher got your name wrong?"

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'Dad...why would I ever want to get out of the first grade? I love first grade!'

Do I get extra credit for neatness?

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

'Mistakes were made...'

"I'm the innocent victim. School has gotten harder, and my cell phone has gotten dumber."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'