Dashboard Philosophers Gifts

Roundabout/Don't Know How To Use Roundabout

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

Boring Board Meeting

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

"Why is our company always at the back of the wagon train?"

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"The figures would seem to indicate that you're not really a scientist."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."