Blackboard Philosopher Gifts

5/3rds of the class don't understand a word I'm saying about fractions.

"It's a clear case of RLS: Repetitive Lecture Syndrome."

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

'Let's just round it off to two and go to lunch.'

The addition is easy - but I tend to be nonverbal, and the apples throw me.

'There's nothing clever about getting drun . . . WOW!'

'Gromek has discovered the first retreating infinite series.'

I will not waste chalk kid...

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

Make your resolutions achievable.

'My name is Jeremy and I approved this message.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

As a matter of fact, it IS rocket science.

"Why is our company always at the back of the wagon train?"

Boring Board Meeting

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

"The figures would seem to indicate that you're not really a scientist."