Report Card Realist Gifts

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

'Evidently, studying isn't one of the tasks you perform when you're multitasking.'

"But grades aren't the only way to measure learning outcomes."

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"I don't guess there's any point in leaving my brain to science."

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"You said I could achieve any goal I set, and I set 'C'."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

Recession

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

US Dollar weakens.

Squeezing a tight budget...

"Goodbye cruel world."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."