Report Card Nostalgia Lover Gifts

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"You can still go over the river and through the woods, but it's cheaper to fly."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

'So what is the consulting that you got an 'A' for?'

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

"Your school report is brilliant! It's going straight into the fireproof box for safe keeping..."

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

'I don't want to make you feel bad, but I got four stars.'

"Yes, it's report card time again."

"This year has been a disaster. But, my breaking point was when Apple TV+ hijacked 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,' away from network television."

"Can I call you back? I'm creating happy memories of my childhood for my father."

'Remember how we used to put stuff on layaway?'

"Forty years ago on this very seat I proposed to you. Made up your mind yet?"

'D-plus? -- I demand a recount!'

"Did you bring a duplicate copy of your 'Times' obit with you?"

'The teacher says you're very clever for your age!'

"My teacher forgot to congratulate me on my great math grade. She was too busy calling Ripley's Believe It Or Not."

'Mom calls this a diary where you write private thoughts no one else can see. What fun is that?'

"But grades aren't the only way to measure learning outcomes."

Existentialist Amnesia Clinic

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

"We've known each other for a while now, so I feel it's the right time to ask – are you a psychological manifestation of my nostalgic longing of a romanticised past?"

'Evidently, studying isn't one of the tasks you perform when you're multitasking.'