Report Card Strategist Gifts

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

Pessimists v Optimists.

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"I'm the victim of negative advertising."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Golf Score Reducer

'So what is the consulting that you got an 'A' for?'

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'I'm the smartest one in the bottom group.'

Congress introducing new tax laws to CPAs and businesses.

'I don't want to make you feel bad, but I got four stars.'

'I got an 'A' in abstinence.'

"I can't believe it...a 'B' average on my report card? I'm not that smart! The theories of probability predict it's likely that the school's data system somehow encountered a catastrophic breakdown."

"Yes, it's report card time again."