Speechmaker Gifts

Loved a good rant.

"I should like to depart from my prepared text and speak as a human being."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Political convention

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

"The White House Washington"

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'Vote for me. I'm ready, and willing. Two out of three isn't bad.'

Time for speeches