Speech Master Gifts

'The following speaker was scheduled to give his talk last week, but needed more time to prepare his impromptu speech.'

Boy, this cold medicine works great.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'You're texting? Wait--'

Time for speeches

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'She could've given me a point or two for originality.'

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

Trump's Speechwriters

"Whoa, too much information!"

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

The speech is ethical. One source is plagiarism, two is research.

"Take this box of rumors, innuendo and hearsay and turn it into decisive leadership."

Citizen Cane...

'Why am I feeling like this..?'

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

For the record, my young speech writers don't consider borrowing phrases as plagiarism. They consider it sampling.

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

'I wrote my own speech once. It didn't sound like me at all!'

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

"What about the writers? Nobody ever blames the writers!"

"What's this Artificial newt's tail? Instant toad urine? No wonder your spells suck!"

"Nice speech. A blend of the aspirational and pie-in-the-sky nonsense."

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

Now I'd like to depart from my prepared text and speak from the heart...

'Oh, the irony! Just guess who gave me the welfare check I bought this sign with!'

He took every chance to practice his talk.

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Perhaps you should focus your message less on the economy and more on little shiny things."