Talk Master Gifts

For More Effective Presentations Avoid Excessive Bullet Points.

'You're texting? Wait--'

The Art of Bantering!

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'Why am I feeling like this..?'

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

"What's this Artificial newt's tail? Instant toad urine? No wonder your spells suck!"

He took every chance to practice his talk.

Printing Room

I heard you're going to Mars to star on some reality show. Yep. Mars One. We launch ten years from now. Ten years? You don't have the attention span to wait ten minutes. In ten years, you'll have forgotten all about this. And when that day comes, I will mock and berate you mercilessly. You'll be dead in ten years. Ridiculing you gives me a reason to go on! Being around you gives me a reason to go to Mars.

"Watch out for Bernie...he's a man of few words but a lot of gestures."

'Better not circulate these.'

'I've lost my voice...'

Fear of Public Speaking

'I'm not naturally dense you know...Its taken years of practice.'

'The following speaker was scheduled to give his talk last week, but needed more time to prepare his impromptu speech.'

Wanna hang later? Yep. You meatheads are standing side-by-side texting! Why not just talk to each other?! Because: Your eyeballs are burned away from staring at your screens and you can't see actual reality!!!! I hear strange rhetorical noises. Put on your iPod LOUD and they'll go away.

"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

'I don't like this predictive text.'

Boy, this cold medicine works great.

"Darling, I realised that you didn't like your dinner by the third sheet."

Shriek! Scream! Yell louder. Bellow! More rage, please. Debate club?! Yeah. They switched to a cable tv talk show format.

'Please don't interrupt when I'm about to speak Neville!'

"I'm not doing this if you're just coming keep disagreeing with me."

"Stop randomly texting angry emojis, then put your phone down and your hands up."

Black belt in gossiping.

Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but caught the theme park ride.

'You still have the fish shop then.'

Women: 'I'm gald we had this talk', Men: 'I'm glad we had this fight'

Last chance for public relations next exit...next PR- 87 miles

"The red tag items go on these shelves...and the blue tag items go on those shelves."

Newborn's TV.

'He's on the artistic spectrum.'