Master Of Speeches Gifts

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

William Pitt the Elder

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

"Ambitions. . . To . . . Er. . . Um . . . Become. . . Er. . . Um. . . A. . . Er. . . Um . . . Motivational. . . Er. . . Um. . . Speaker."

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

Quiet Quitting

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

Thanksgiving.

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

For the record, my young speech writers don't consider borrowing phrases as plagiarism. They consider it sampling.

"Take this box of rumors, innuendo and hearsay and turn it into decisive leadership."

Nice speech, but you don't have that many friends. You better add "Romans and countrymen."

"Whoa, too much information!"

Citizen Cane...

The speech is ethical. One source is plagiarism, two is research.

'Your resume is pure baloney. How'd you like to write political speeches?'

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

'I wrote my own speech once. It didn't sound like me at all!'

'Nice to meet you... And I don't use that phrase lightly.'

"You should know better than to give a speech in the morning before you've had your coffee."

What are you talking about?

"In recognition of Jim's achievements during his long career with the company, we've put together this hilarious twenty minute gag reel..."

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

"What about the writers? Nobody ever blames the writers!"

Now I'd like to depart from my prepared text and speak from the heart...