Making Speeches Gifts

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Political convention

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Information...political rhetoric

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

"It's time to get politics out of money."

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

Masters of Political Oratory