Speeches Gifts

"You should know better than to give a speech in the morning before you've had your coffee."

Lincoln's Gettysburg URL Address

International Brotherhood of Audio Engineers: 'Is this thing on?'

'Not many of you may agree with me...'

"He has a wonderful command of the language, doesn't he?"

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

In your 35 years at the company, you've used up 1,100 pens, put at least 36,000 people on hold...

William Pitt the Elder

'I always stood by my strong convictions but serious arguments made it necessary to change my mind: free tarts, expensive wine and a lot of money.'

Pig of the Year...

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Distracted by the Senator's mesmerizing speech, Willard inadvertently pushes the wrong button.

"That's OK, they're not yelling at each other! They're yelling at the TV: a politician is giving a speech..."

"If this guy doesn't wrap it up real soon, I'll reflect sunlight off my watch and set off the sprinklers."

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I feel like that I've been given a unique oppurtunity to speak out on issues."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

We need a Europe of U-turns.

Trappist Monk Discord

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"It's time to get politics out of money."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'