Speaking Gifts

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

"'The Girl Who Kicked Summer Vacation's Ass.'"

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

"I feel like that I've been given a unique oppurtunity to speak out on issues."

I left that article about superior communication skills on that thingy over there by the whatchamacallit.

Tonight Lecture by Eastern Wise Man $25. A few words from local wise guys $1.98.

Motivational Speakers of the Serengeti

"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"

'He's a great field dog and is much in demand as a motivational speaker.'

Fear of Public Speaking

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

'That girl speaks eighteen languages and she can't say 'no' in any of them!'

'Those are words, Charles, just words!'

"WE had a surprise guest, but the biggest surprise was he didn't show up."

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.