Speech Giver Gifts

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

Dr. Simon had a hard time delivering his speech, what with the constant murmur in the room

'To help you overcome your fear of snakes, I've arranged for you to give a public speech on the subject.'

Well done, Megson. Shareholders should drop off after fifteen minutes.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'I'll keep this short!'

"I've been asked to say a few words about my time at this company."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'These days my approach is to start with the Booker Prize acceptance speech and work backwards...'

'Not only have I never been a Congressman, but I've never even set foot in Washington!'

'...and I'd like to thank my dear old Mother for kicking me in the backside when I needed it!'

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

"We're cutting costs by recycling his hot air."

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

'You're on my soapbox !'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'Blah, blah, blah....'

Vote for me!

"Unaccustomed as I am to public squeaking…"

"Well, for starters I'd like to thank me."

"Let's make it a few minutes longer and add more inside jokes."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'They're my presentation trousers.'

'He's a natural public speaker. He grew up on a wind farm.'

'Sorry to bother you - neighbours reported a 'roving band of anarchists.''

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

"Getting older isn't so bad when you consider the only alternative..."

Driver to cop: 'I have a prepared speech for such an occasion as this.'

"I accept this award...for my team...who are cheering way too loudly."

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Yes, Mom was a junk-yard dog but she was full of love."