Speech Performers Gifts

Mastering political faces.

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Political convention

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

We need a Europe of U-turns.

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

'Vote for me. I'm ready, and willing. Two out of three isn't bad.'

Drama Llama

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

Time for speeches