Speech Artist Gifts

Public Speaking Shoes

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Mmpf Mfggle...

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Inclusive speech

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

What's normal?

Political convention

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

Information...political rhetoric

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'