Speech Giver Extraordinaire Gifts

Marcus Tullius Cicero

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

Presentation skills.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

Time for speeches

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

'Hey, I voted for the big tax hike because suffering builds character!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'