Speech Givers Gifts

'Could you speak a little louder?'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Political convention

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

Like Minded

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"The White House Washington"

'Vote for me. I'm ready, and willing. Two out of three isn't bad.'

Time for speeches