Speech Crafter Gifts

'He's still addressing the nation.'

Ban on Free Speech

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Time for speeches

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

Censorship is killing free society.

What happened to "will work for food"? Will write funny gags for food. You Fusco Brothers need funny gags way more than you need your lawn mowed.

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

Dr. Simon had a hard time delivering his speech, what with the constant murmur in the room

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

For the record, my young speech writers don't consider borrowing phrases as plagiarism. They consider it sampling.

Political Speech Making Tutorial

"Let's make it a few minutes longer and add more inside jokes."

The speech is ethical. One source is plagiarism, two is research.

Citizen Cane...

"Take this box of rumors, innuendo and hearsay and turn it into decisive leadership."

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

"Unaccustomed as I am to public squeaking…"

'Franklin, you need to put more life into your presentations.'