Speechmaking Gifts

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

That's a very misleading speech! It's his freedom of dissembly!

How does this sound? 'The generous pay award reflects the additional responsibilities, workload and stress of the Chief Executive's position.

Outspoken

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Political convention

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

First Word

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"It's time to get politics out of money."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'