Talking Gifts

'You know, when you get right down to it, most consequences are unintended.'

'I wish somebody would say something.'

Me/Mine/I-me/I/Myself...

Women: 'I'm gald we had this talk', Men: 'I'm glad we had this fight'

Too Much Information.

'I've never heard you say a kind word about anyone, Sylvia...I could listen to you all day.'

Taxi driver says to long-suffering passenger: 'If times get any harder, I'll have to start charging for my witty and perceptive opinions on various topical issues of the day.'

Two desks manned by women - one marked 'information' the other marked 'gossip and rumors'.

'We talk, we dialog, we speak one to the other, but we don't communicate.'

A Heart to Heart Talk

'If there's one thing I can't stand it's nit-picking pedantry.' 'That's two things.'

'That was a long winded conversation...I thought he'd never stop listening.'

Yak is talking non-stop - 'Yak, yak, yak.'

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

'I talk to myself because I'm the only one who LISTENS!'

"...and Jerry here has brought the gift of 'The Gab'."

It'll sort itself out...

"I don't understand all this nonsense about TV kiiling the art of conversation. I mean it's all we talk about."

"Everybody else's problems are better than mine."

'I talk to myself because I'm the only one who LISTENS!'

"Blah! Blah! Blah!" say sheep.

Nice guy. It's just that once you get him started, you can't shut him up.

"This is a night for white wine."

"But enough about me, what's new with you?"

'I have a good memory for most things - it's only facts that throw me.'

'I don't want a haircut. I'm just looking for a man who will listen to me!'

Because I've got nothing to talk about I get the feeling people find me boring!

"And my last boyfriend didn't work out because of the communication barrier." "He spoke another language?" "No he was an idiot."

"Water cooler talk stations."

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'My wife's always happiest talking to someone fatter than she is.'

'How embarrassing. I talked to her for three hours before we realised it was a wrong number.'

'Yak yak yak.'

'I suppose you want to be served.' - 'No, but I wouldn't mind being included in the conversation.'

"Before we get going, is this the Big One?"