Communicating Gifts

'Sometimes I think you don't listen to a word I say!'

"I can express my opinions to you because you have an open mind."

An old lady snapping at a man attempting to help her up.

Child crying because he has cut his finger with scissors

'Hello, is that the Compulsive Callers helpline?'

Social Networking.

"Surely I'm allowed an opinion!"

"Only half an hour - that was quick! Was it a wrong number?"

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."

Chatterbox Podium

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Lynching on social media

"My email is down... talk to me."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How fast can you hype?'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Campaign for Plain English

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."