Communications Gifts

'Put this memo in an envelope marked 'Confidential'. Drop it on the floor in the hall. Make sure you do not seal the envelope. That way, we can be sure all employees will read the memo.'

'Sorry, I've gotta take this...'

"Sir, the following paradigm shifts occurred while you were out."

'Nobody turned up to the 'effective communications' seminar...they didn't get our memo.'

"Wait, those weren't lies. That was spin!"

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'Unconfirmed reports suggest that there may have been a breakdown in communication.'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Law School Contracts 101: Writing with words nobody can understand.

'You have a friend request.'

"Guide us, Oh Database Manager!"

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

'The campfire's down and I can't send any messages. Call IT.'

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

'What is it?'

'Yes, I agree. But what really caught my attention is what the boss ISN'T saying!'

I'm trying to get in touch with Head office!

'Uh, yeah, the picture resolution is great.'

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

'I don't know what it is. I think it's some kind of old-fashioned cell phone.'

"I selected option 2, for help with my billing question, but was switched to option 3, to get a hard time with my billing question."

"I have to go. I'm getting a better call."

"Hi. Steve Smith here. Just calling to say hello and touch base. Well, bye. Hi. Steve Smith here. Just calling to say hello and touch base. Well, bye. Hi..."

"I don't know why. I just suddenly felt like calling."

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

'Can't we handle this through more impersonal channels like text messaging?'

"He said 'Tomato.' I said, 'Did you just say something?' He said, 'Nevermind.' I said, 'No—WHAT?' He said, 'Skip it.' I said, 'For God's sake, just spit it out.' He said, '..."

"That was a fine report, Barbara. But since the sexes speak different languages, I probably didn't understand a word of it."

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

'You have office gossip.'

"I want everyone to know about this - whisper it to Miss Tonks in Accounts."

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"Would you please refrain from texting while I'm operating!"

Before they were largely wiped out by European diseases, the Timuca Indians had a highly evolved society, built around dance, poetry and the world's first mobile phone.