Communications Comedian Gifts

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"Yes, I'm alone."

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

Antler Buzzers.

"You're probably wondering why I called you. It's because I accidentally butt dialed you."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'They want your underwear.'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"He took that kinda hard."

Jim's Smart Kettle

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"Are you talking to me?"

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

'Another failure to communicate?'

Modern animal communication

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'It's a great plan, but we'll need a human being to be front man.'

Text in a bottle

'Can I call you back? I'm going into a tunnel.'

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

The guy at the store said to sink it once in awhile

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

Bob tries out his new sleazeball checker.

'Phone-b-gone, gets rid of unwanted phones.'

"Why can't we have a discussion without it escalating into a shouting match?"