Communications Comedian Gifts

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"Yes, I'm alone."

Antler Buzzers.

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

"You're probably wondering why I called you. It's because I accidentally butt dialed you."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

Jim's Smart Kettle

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

"Are you talking to me?"

'Another failure to communicate?'

Modern animal communication

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'It's a great plan, but we'll need a human being to be front man.'

Text in a bottle

'Can I call you back? I'm going into a tunnel.'

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

The guy at the store said to sink it once in awhile

Bob tries out his new sleazeball checker.

'Phone-b-gone, gets rid of unwanted phones.'

"We sent you notifications. The iCloud is full."

"Why can't we have a discussion without it escalating into a shouting match?"