Digital Communication Comedian Gifts

'I hate to tell you this John, but I saw your Julie having text with someone else.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"OMG, LOL!"

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Hardware and software

'My dog ate my computer.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

The Smartass Phone

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'for more obit info, go to...'

The Escape Key

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

Giggle.

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

"I just tweeted a chirp."

Terms and conditions

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

"It works as long as the teacher doesn't call on you."