Digital Age Comedian Gifts

'Roy proposed to me in an email, but my spam filter rejected it.'

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

'His sickness has gone viral.'

"A text? Since when did the dog stop barking when he wanted to come in?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"OMG, LOL!"

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'My dog ate my computer.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

The Smartass Phone

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

Twitter that!

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'for more obit info, go to...'

The Escape Key

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

Terms and conditions

Giggle.

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

"I just tweeted a chirp."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'