Digital Age Comedians Gifts

Social Media: You have 10 Enemy Requests.

#NoJunk

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'My dog ate my computer.'

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"It works as long as the teacher doesn't call on you."

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

'Much like my hairline and waistline, our numbers are trending in the wrong direction.'

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"My daughter is a modern baby. She doesn't cry when she is hungry...she texts me."

"Bad news Dad, I've just received an e-Alert: The farmer's wife has downloaded a "Coq au Vin" recipe..."

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'