Digital Distraction Humorist Gifts

"Am I the only one who can see that sign?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"OMG, LOL!"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'My dog ate my computer.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

The Smartass Phone

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'for more obit info, go to...'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

The Escape Key

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

Terms and conditions

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

Google signwriter.

"After she ran that clip of me getting a bath,... I posted this one of her stepping out of the shower."

A group of people in an art gallery staring at a phone