Digital Humourist Gifts

Followers for sale. . .

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Barcode Dreams

"OMG, LOL!"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'My dog ate my computer.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

The Smartass Phone

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

'Look dear, he's burning his first illegal download to rewritable dvd'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'for more obit info, go to...'

Follow me on Twitter...

The Escape Key

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

Terms and conditions

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'

Goodnight Social Media.

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."