Communications Expert Gifts

"I'm afraid the turnout isn't as high as we'd hoped, three of them misheard the date; five got the time wrong and everyone from sales went to a hotel in Scarborough by mistake!"

'I'll stop using finger quotes if you (control freak) let me use hand brackets.'

'I want to suck your toes.' - A problem for Maxwell Smart and his shoe-phone.

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message holistically!'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

"Take your positions everybody. He's escaped his handlers and is wrecking havoc. This could be a bad one."

TV Smoke Signal

Do you Twitter?

'Sir, as a communications expert, I know how to handle problematic people. Sometimes it's enough to tell them that I'm an expert in martial arts too.'

Evolution of the political persuasion tool.

'This network's news program has been unfairly charged with having a left leaning bias.'

'...In other news, a brand-new ethnic group joined the terrorist movement today....'

'No big deal, Kemosabe -- Just the Chief giving another campaign speech,'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Mobile elephones claim another victim.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"National security adviser"

This Message Has No Content

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

Dialogue

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

She - Interpreter - He.

Changing Minds

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

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