Communication Specialist Gifts

Plain English group.

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

Institute for Nonverbal Communication.

"I got your email. Was it encrypted or is your spelling that bad?"

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

'Texting you to let you know that I'll be calling you about a new video-conference app that I read about in a magazine.'

"...this new policy is a credit to mumbo jumbo."

Research into how men and woman communicate

'I hated to do it, but conflicts like this are inevitable without a logical language.'

'What is it?'

"We need someone specializing in interpersonal communication. I'll text my decision."

Indian checks email and sees that he has received Smokesignals.

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

"And, when addressing subordinates, always use baby-talk." Insensitivity training

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

'I said, how do you like my internal communication tool?'

"Head office says that transparency in communicating internally and with clients is of paramount importance..."

Communications Department.

"Effective communications with clients is essential so we've come up with some mandatory training to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information...."

"I suppose you're using all the modern technology, dynamic packaging, skype, web marketing..." "Yes, we even use carrier-pigeon.com."

'Yes, I'm coaching this workshop. Come in, you stupid idiot!'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Postmodernist Pat, "the advent of 'electronic mail' has of course transcended the traditional 'sender-purveyor-receiver' relationship"

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'You've won a business award.' ('for gobbledegook')

''Language' is a great invention, but I keep getting syntax errors.'

Speech Therapy: Back Before You Can Say Jack Robinson.

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"I have no clue what you're trying to say! You keep giving me mixed messages."

"Please disregard the previous message - it was inadvertently sent to everyone on our list."

'Benson will you stop trying to dominate the meeting.'

"All those in favor Retweet."

Birds sitting on aerial, one says to the other; 'I hear they're going to cable.'

"I'll stop saying 'irregardless' if you'll stop staying 'at this point in time.'"

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."