Text Communication Specialist Gifts

Text Speak

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Dialogue

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Ruddy bloggers!

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

Moo Out Loud

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Information...political rhetoric

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

WTF?

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'Hi! I'm on the tree.'

Torturing the English Language

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'