Communications Pillows

'Put this memo in an envelope marked 'Confidential'. Drop it on the floor in the hall. Make sure you do not seal the envelope. That way, we can be sure all employees will read the memo.'

'Sorry, I've gotta take this...'

"Sir, the following paradigm shifts occurred while you were out."

'Nobody turned up to the 'effective communications' seminar...they didn't get our memo.'

"Wait, those weren't lies. That was spin!"

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'Unconfirmed reports suggest that there may have been a breakdown in communication.'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Law School Contracts 101: Writing with words nobody can understand.

"Guide us, Oh Database Manager!"

'You have a friend request.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

'The campfire's down and I can't send any messages. Call IT.'

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

'Yes, I agree. But what really caught my attention is what the boss ISN'T saying!'

'What is it?'

'Uh, yeah, the picture resolution is great.'

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

I'm trying to get in touch with Head office!

'I don't know what it is. I think it's some kind of old-fashioned cell phone.'

"I selected option 2, for help with my billing question, but was switched to option 3, to get a hard time with my billing question."

"Hi. Steve Smith here. Just calling to say hello and touch base. Well, bye. Hi. Steve Smith here. Just calling to say hello and touch base. Well, bye. Hi..."

'Can't we handle this through more impersonal channels like text messaging?'

"And now, to work you up into a froth of hate, hysteria, panic, and uncertainty, the news."

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

"I don't know why. I just suddenly felt like calling."

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

"I have to go. I'm getting a better call."

'You have office gossip.'

"That was a fine report, Barbara. But since the sexes speak different languages, I probably didn't understand a word of it."

"He said 'Tomato.' I said, 'Did you just say something?' He said, 'Nevermind.' I said, 'No—WHAT?' He said, 'Skip it.' I said, 'For God's sake, just spit it out.' He said, '..."

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"I want everyone to know about this - whisper it to Miss Tonks in Accounts."

'For faster service next time use Email. Thank you!'