Speech Master Pillows

'The following speaker was scheduled to give his talk last week, but needed more time to prepare his impromptu speech.'

Boy, this cold medicine works great.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'You're texting? Wait--'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

Time for speeches

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'She could've given me a point or two for originality.'

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

For the record, my young speech writers don't consider borrowing phrases as plagiarism. They consider it sampling.

Trump's Speechwriters

Citizen Cane...

"Take this box of rumors, innuendo and hearsay and turn it into decisive leadership."

Al, trust me� You're ready for tomorrow's comic strip. I really want to nail my performance, Axel. "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup�waiter, there's a fly in my soup�waiter, there's a fly in my soup�waiter, there's a fly in my soup�waiter�"

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"Whoa, too much information!"

The speech is ethical. One source is plagiarism, two is research.

'Why am I feeling like this..?'

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

'I wrote my own speech once. It didn't sound like me at all!'

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

"What about the writers? Nobody ever blames the writers!"

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

"Perhaps you should focus your message less on the economy and more on little shiny things."

'Oh, the irony! Just guess who gave me the welfare check I bought this sign with!'

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

Now I'd like to depart from my prepared text and speak from the heart...

He took every chance to practice his talk.

"Nice speech. A blend of the aspirational and pie-in-the-sky nonsense."

"So then I thought...who needs speech writers when I can just recite all my old tweets!"