Sourpuss Gifts

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

The World Wide Web.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

Maple tree donating syrup at a syrup drive clinic.

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

'Be sure to ask George about his tomatoes.'

"A kitten for your thoughts."

"And now from downtown!"

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"This year has been a disaster. But, my breaking point was when Apple TV+ hijacked 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,' away from network television."

Whinge drinkers: 'Music is too loud as usual', 'You can never get a seat'.

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

High energy drinks

"Any chance you could block the Home Shopping Network?"

'Please, Pookie, just one time...pleeaase..Beg!'

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

'Tastes just like the cans of soup my Mom used to open and heat.'

"How would you like to wake up with that every morning?"

"Little tart?"

Dating for seniors - Instagran

'I quite the wine class after 5 minutes. The instructor started by saying that wine a liquid, but it's dry.'

Smirking Cat

A man is eating soup in a restaurant and there's a zipper in his food - 'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!'

"Ehhh....I would like to smurf an 'E'!"

'I hear the buses aren't running today.'

Wordilly Durdillies - Many athletes fail dopey tests!

"Pssst! Here's your cup of W-A-T-E-R."

'Is your alphabet soup ASCII or Unicode?'

Fortune teller buying the 'soup of tomorrow'.

'Talking about soup for the past three hours has me hankerin' for a nice bowl of...uh, a nice bowl of...'

'I hope you don't mind, I simply can't start the day without a glass of my own urine.'

Driving towards a Sunrise