Café Crowd Observer Gifts

'I hope you don't mind, I simply can't start the day without a glass of my own urine.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'You've had enough!'

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

'This meat is off, bring me the manager.'- 'Sure, would you like him fried or boiled?'

Victorian Pub Scene

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

"Of course, I'm complaining for two now."

"Do you validate?" "What? No, there's no parking lot. It's just street parking. And that's free." "I know. But I came in to get a coffee yesterday morning at 7:59. The line was so long that I didn't get out of here till 8:02. Apparently you had street cleaning that started at 8am." "I'm not following." "It was your long line. The least you could do is validate the parking ticket they gave me." "Get out."

"Epiphany!!! . . . I'm running the cafe as a communist utopia!...I've charged everyone exactly the same for their muffins, when I should have means-testing. If you can afford to pay $650 for a muffin, well then by Ayn Rand, that's exactly what I should charge you."

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

'So how would you like your coffee...Small, Large or Intravenous???'

"Do you every worry that the world's ending and we're just sitting here waiting for brunch?"

The Epsom Derby - Jockey Rides Out through the Crowd

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."

"Do you ever wonder if you could function in L.A.?"

Barista

"I made him the wrong coffee, so I hit control Z, but it didn't work. Maybe I should just make him a new coffee."

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

"Sorry, I'm the Amazing People Watcher. I'm going all I can."

'He says he's a 'Sandwich artist' and he refuses to work in honey mustard.'

'Hey! This isn't a sold-out crowd! It's just a bunch of cartoon humps symbolizing a sold-out crowd!'

'And this is how we make the house blend.'

'Hey let's see what 'Aroma Lattes' is like, Jill! I've heard the coffee here IS to die for!'