Cafe Crowd Gifts

A long, long way from indigent, Bert's depedence on coffee knew no bounds.

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'You've had enough!'

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

'This meat is off, bring me the manager.'- 'Sure, would you like him fried or boiled?'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'Look. . . for the last time, I'm not playin' 'footsie' with you!'

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

Customers must wash hands after using their laptops.

"Of course, I'm complaining for two now."

"Epiphany!!! . . . I'm running the cafe as a communist utopia!...I've charged everyone exactly the same for their muffins, when I should have means-testing. If you can afford to pay $650 for a muffin, well then by Ayn Rand, that's exactly what I should charge you."

"Everyone's so nosy. They act like they want to be left along, but they're always nonchalantly eavesdropping on everyone else....some more nonchalantly than others."

"Do you validate?" "What? No, there's no parking lot. It's just street parking. And that's free." "I know. But I came in to get a coffee yesterday morning at 7:59. The line was so long that I didn't get out of here till 8:02. Apparently you had street cleaning that started at 8am." "I'm not following." "It was your long line. The least you could do is validate the parking ticket they gave me." "Get out."

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

'So how would you like your coffee...Small, Large or Intravenous???'

"Pardon me, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation."

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

"Do you ever wonder if you could function in L.A.?"

"I made him the wrong coffee, so I hit control Z, but it didn't work. Maybe I should just make him a new coffee."

Barista

"Sorry, I'm the Amazing People Watcher. I'm going all I can."

"Do you every worry that the world's ending and we're just sitting here waiting for brunch?"

'He says he's a 'Sandwich artist' and he refuses to work in honey mustard.'