Cafe Frequenters Gifts

"Of course, I'm complaining for two now."

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

'You've had enough!'

Coffee

Coffee Menu

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Swallows returning to Cappuccino.

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

'Know something? Love IS wonderful!'

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

From now on, coffee is fifteen dollars an hour.

"Let's see, now, that's cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino, and cappuccino—right?"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

Holy Ronald Reagan. Do you see who's come into the cafe? Reagan? No, it's Johnny Spinwell. The king of spin! Who? Consultant to politicians, stars, lawyers, corporate execs. No one finds the bright side like Johnny. Pea brain, you stepped on my toe. I got your circulation going to save your heart.

Lunch

'A sandwich?'

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

'Dulcifying araneids didn't make them any more sapid.'

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

Bookuccino. A melding of book and drink.

"Here's your... neti pot... to share..."

A turning point in the fight against rampact secularisation: the cafe priant.

Outdoor Dining: Winter Edition