Cafe Aficionados Gifts

"Everyone's so nosy. They act like they want to be left along, but they're always nonchalantly eavesdropping on everyone else....some more nonchalantly than others."

Little alien steals teacup saucer.

Four men in a cafe, a phone rings and they all answer their mobile phones

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Back to work...

Back to school.

"Two vegans, please."

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

You've Had Enough!

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Law School teacher.

Mea Maxima Cuppa

"I've decided to make myself another cup of coffee!"

'Sleep deprivation's the least of my worries; I can't get these amortisation bluebells to frangipane...'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

Coffee Menu

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

"My rise in the company was solely based on convincing management that I was a nerd in high school."

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"