Cafe Culture Aficionado Gifts

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

"Sorry for the confusion, but it's Poetry Night, not Poultry Night."

"You've put a heart design on my coffee, are you hitting on me?"

"A.T.&T. sent this drink over in the hope that you'll consider switching your long-distance provider."

"Is that decaf?"

This is terrible! What? The far-right is boycotting our cafe. Our business is getting killed. How do they do it? How do they have so much power? Go on in. They're serving up a warm cup of eternal damnation. I thought it was Starbucks!

Look outside. It's the Apple cops. They've heard that someone lost an iPhone prototype. House of Java Cybercafe. At any moment, they'll discover I'm the savior of the device. I'll be the talk of the blogosphere. The man who kept the iPhone from falling into the wrong hands. Because you found a phone. Bond, James Bond. Doofus, Apple doofus.

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Oi! Get your elbows off the table. We maintain very high standards at this establishment!"

"Typical. They're happy to benefit from our service but just try and come in as a customer."

"Would you like the Tall, Non-Fat Latte with Caramel Drizzle, Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte with Soy Milk, Triple,Venti, Soy, No Foam Latte..."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Two vegans, please."

The Selfie

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

National Coffee Day

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

'How would you like your toast?'

Silvio Berlusconi - The emperors new clothes.

Hoxton map.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

Joan of Arc goes sword shopping.

'Well of course there are no snakes, have you not heard of St Patrick, at all, at all?'

"Thanks, but I'm in the midst of a lesbian phase that started the day I was born."

Meanwhile at the Cafe de la Mort...

Bernard Levin

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."