Frequent Café Visitor Gifts

"If you can safeguard this punch card for half a decade, you get a free coffee."

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

'You've had enough!'

"I'd say business was brisk."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Coffee Menu

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'It takes all day to eat it.'

The Lesser Pyramids

"Of course, I'm complaining for two now."

I know why you're such a greedy, heartless scrooge, Armstrong. It's because deep down, you just want to be loved. But you're afraid of rejection, so you make yourself as unlovable as possible. That's the type of utter nonsense to expect from muscle-bound oaf who hadn't paid his tab in 13 years. I love you too, man. I hope you get audited.

Hipster Coffee

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

Voting on their Seats

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

Whatcha doing for vacation, Emily? Working at the beach caf� where all the lifeguards hang out. I'm ready for a summer of love! Me too! Aren't you babysitting? For 3 of the cutest little boys in West Fester Elementary. Check out the sexy chocolate milk mustache.

"I wish he'd hurry up. My back's killing me."

"Oh, that Jane. I thought you were talking about Jane Austen."

'So how would you like your coffee...Small, Large or Intravenous???'

"Crumble an empire on that!"

"I knew you'd like this place."

Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.

"Sorry, I'm the Amazing People Watcher. I'm going all I can."

"Pardon me, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation."

Overly pierced man in a lot of pain.

'Separate bills please.'

Coming soon - the Barrel! 'OH BOY!!'