Café Crowd Observer T-Shirts

'I hope you don't mind, I simply can't start the day without a glass of my own urine.'

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'You've had enough!'

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

'This meat is off, bring me the manager.'- 'Sure, would you like him fried or boiled?'

The Pope looks through here to check out the crowd before he speaks. Ah --- The papal people peephole!

Victorian Pub Scene

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

"Of course, I'm complaining for two now."

Normally, we just write their name on the coffee cup.

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

"Do you validate?" "What? No, there's no parking lot. It's just street parking. And that's free." "I know. But I came in to get a coffee yesterday morning at 7:59. The line was so long that I didn't get out of here till 8:02. Apparently you had street cleaning that started at 8am." "I'm not following." "It was your long line. The least you could do is validate the parking ticket they gave me." "Get out."

"Epiphany!!! . . . I'm running the cafe as a communist utopia!...I've charged everyone exactly the same for their muffins, when I should have means-testing. If you can afford to pay $650 for a muffin, well then by Ayn Rand, that's exactly what I should charge you."

'So how would you like your coffee...Small, Large or Intravenous???'

"Do you ever wonder if you could function in L.A.?"

'He says he's a 'Sandwich artist' and he refuses to work in honey mustard.'

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

Barista

"I made him the wrong coffee, so I hit control Z, but it didn't work. Maybe I should just make him a new coffee."

'Hey! This isn't a sold-out crowd! It's just a bunch of cartoon humps symbolizing a sold-out crowd!'

Are we a bunch of losers? Who are you talking about? Me, Randy, Sadie, even you Uncle Mort – all of us cafe regulars. We've been hanging out at this place for years. I've been working here two decades. Do we have nowhere else to go? More powerful even than inertia: Any momentum killed by an uncompromising nap regimen. Zzzz.

"Sorry, I'm the Amazing People Watcher. I'm going all I can."

Randy, do you think I'm stuck working here, working at this cafe? Why do you ask? Maybe I could branch out, test the waters, see if I've got the courage and capacity to try something new. Are you saying I hang out at this cafe because I've got nowhere else to go? What just happened? If I just said something aloud, it had no weight or meaning.

The Epsom Derby - Jockey Rides Out through the Crowd

Is there anything you want to say to me? Get back to work? I pay you too much? I can hire a migrant worker for half your pay and he won't complain to me in English? And he probably won't be loyal to you and this cafe for 20 years. Twenty years. Twenty years. It's your 20-year anniversary? I'm assuming that's the extent of your acknowledgment of this momentous occasion, and I should not expect a cake. You may have a day-old cruller for half price.

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."

Confession. Terrible confession. My favorite kind. By day, I work at this caf

"Do you every worry that the world's ending and we're just sitting here waiting for brunch?"

'And this is how we make the house blend.'