Cafe Staff T-Shirts

Coffee Cartoon - Barista makes tea.

"You work here. You know the menu intimately. I'm sure you've tried it all, so your opinion is very important."

'This meat is off, bring me the manager.'- 'Sure, would you like him fried or boiled?'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

Today's special... donuts.

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Non-Power Breakfast

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

National Coffee Day

'You've had enough!'

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

Coffee

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

Choice hellhole

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"Come in, minion."

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'