Sour Grapes Theorist Gifts

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

A giant glass of red wine

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Wine tasting

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Red Wine

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."