Fermented Grape Philosopher Gifts

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Avocado Timeline

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

The Cactus Reader

'Hey, if they can grow in Michigan...'

Saguaro Cacti.

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

Bug to bug: 'Do you think there is life on other plants?'

Aw, @#$%, just go to business school. EMU. The Practical Muse.

The ethics professor weeding his garden.

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

Scariest Tactics

New Belief Systems

"Which entrée raises the fewest ethical issues?"

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...oh, hell, give me another one!'

I'm actually here as part of an ongoing quest to find the ideal form of analysis. Freudian didn't work, and Jungian didn't help, so I thought I'd try Pabstian.

Banana Midlife Crisis