Fruit Philosopher Gifts

Oh, for pete's sake, spare me the "core beliefs" lecture again, willya?

"I know, it's not easy being an avocado - you never feel like you're good enough, then BAM, you're past your prime."

Understanding the prune.

What the Doctor Ordered

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

View to the Future

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Tarzan of the Grapes.

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

Banana Split Personality

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

Tree Passion

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Newton forgets gravity, discovers delicious apple

Large, wrinkly

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

"Peach fuzz. How does a nectarine know when it reaches puberty?"

"Prepare to meet your maker."

'What are you eating now?'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

Conference Pears

Apricots