Grape Philosopher Gifts

'We never sell a wine before it's time. We're still waiting for our first big sale.'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

Man watering with the 'Theory of Natural selection'.

"Wine is plant-based food."

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

'You know, this is the 2nd bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

Saguaro Cacti.