Grape Guru Gifts

"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

"O.K., Everybody. Stand back! Let it breathe."

"This one's rubbish as well."

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

Winery tours.

After the breakup of Bacchus, Inc.

'Savage little brute, isn't it?'

Red wine teeth

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Why Rome Fell:'Peel you a grape? Don't you know that the skin is where all the vitamins are?'

Wine: New and Old.

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"I just read it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert on a given subject. Janet, start the clock and bring me a glass."

"That's not our logo. That's the company's flowchart."

Red Wine

The Other Wine Connoisseurs Were Beginning to Question Pete's Credentials.

"This wine is from a very fresh yield."

"Barman....hic....I asked for a dry white wine... this one's wet!"

"Foreign wines have ruined me for domestics. I still shop local, but I gripe global."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'Don't tell me, I know this one. Is it wine?'

"I always gulp my wine - it evaporates, you know."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

The Vineyard

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"Gail is so into wine that during sex last night she screamed, 'Robert Mondavi.'"

"Food? And take up room that wine could occupy?"

'I'm from down the street. Your customer ordered our wine because it is better than yours.'

'How do you tell a red from a white?'

Being Called A Sour Grape Phobia.

"Hmm, this cheeky little red just stamped on my toes, poked me in the eye, kicked me in the nuts and said 'get a life, you sad git'."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

One more please.